We upended our lives in many ways when we decided to spend a year on the road in our van. One way we made this possible was by maintaining our Colorado home's mother-in-law suite as an independent rental unit with its own kitchen, laundry, and entrance, which we began renting out in 2022.
I love crossing cultures - to me it is the ultimate bliss and I've been fortunate to experience this throughout my adult life. So when Ali and his wife Zahra moved in this past August while we were traveling through Canada, I was excited despite some initial worries about potential cultural disconnects. After all, we're essentially sharing a house, which means sharing energies and vibes too.
A few weeks after they moved in, while we were still away, my dad stayed in our upstairs apartment. Through our doorbell camera, we watched as Ali, with his two daughters, insisted that my dad join them for dinner that night. We were so moved watching this exchange. My dad later told us it was a wonderful experience with incredible food.
That dinner, along with a jury summons and need for childcare, brought us home earlier than planned. Within a week, we found ourselves sitting on the floor of their apartment in traditional Afghan style, surrounded by an amazing spread of food, the cutest baby ever, and fascinating conversation. Ali shared his story of working for the US Army in Afghanistan. When America pulled out and the Taliban took over, he was forced into hiding with his family for 3 years until receiving US residency. They waited in Pakistan until their green cards came through, choosing Colorado because Ali had university friends here.
Each week they invited us for elaborate homemade Afghan meals. We learned about life in Afghanistan, where most of Ali's family remains. Zahra's family has mostly escaped to Iran, where life is surprisingly more free than in Afghanistan. Zahra and the girls had planned to visit her mother and sisters there this October, but flights were cancelled due to escalating violence in the Middle East.
At one dinner, I said to Ali, "Afghan people who've come to the US must be so happy here, right?"
"Actually," he replied, "many Afghans who come to the US suffer severe depression because the social culture is so different". He explained that in Afghan culture, there's a stronger sense of community - homes are shared by multiple families who share kitchens and meals. Money flows between family members as needed, and friends just show up whenever they want. Families aren't isolated like in current American culture.
It turns out Everett and their daughter are in the same kindergarten class and instantly became best friends (or "sisters" as they say), both full of sparkle and joy. And Zahra's English was much better than she initially let on! We each have a door that locks from the same entrance, and when they're both open, our apartments connect. After school, we started leaving our doors open. Zahra would invite me for tea and conversation as her English rapidly improved. While I can't match her incredible cooking skills, I jump at any chance to help them with anything else.
When Everett brought home a Thanksgiving exercise asking what we're thankful for, I found myself listing our co-living with this beautiful family. It's been such a gift to broaden our minds by learning about a culture we only previously associated with the Taliban, and more significantly, to open our lifestyle to the more communal approach that Afghan culture offers - with its natural flow of connection, asking, and offering.
As we settle into this holiday that celebrates cultures coming together, I can't help but smile thinking about our open doors and incorporating the beauty of Afghan culture into our American home.
Have you had the opportunity to experience another culture? Or bridge your culture with another? If so, what were your takeaways and did anything surprise you? If not, is this something you are inspired to do? Please share!
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
